Torn

Life is always changing. As we all know we go through many different season’s throughout our life time, some good, some bad, and some just flat-out yucky.

I am in this season of my life where I am torn. I am in transition.

There is a part of me that wants to live a passionate fiery life changing the world around me and make a difference, to not just be another warm body. There is also a part of me that want’s simple, that wants quaint, that want’s quiet.

My personality is a bit of both, it’s passionate and determined, all at the same time it is quiet and still. What exactly do I do? I am not sure yet.

To have characteristics of both ends of two personalities is quite the juggle. I can be completely okay with being a quiet and still person, but the following day feel the need to live out my passionate heart – giving, loving, serving.

In the end, I have this fear of settling. This is where my feelings of being torn come in to play. To me, settling is never enough, but what exactly is settling?

Settling, to me, is not over doing it. Not pushing your self to exhaustion. Not draining yourself dry because you’re committed to too many different thing’s.

That has always been me.

I was conditioned to live in such a way by observing these trait’s in my father as I grew up. My father would leave as the sun would rise in the morning and work all day until the sun went down. I never observed him resting. I never watched him just be still. He always worked for what he had and taught us to do the same.

But what if there were powerful moments in the quiet? What if there were great moments in being still?

In my current season of transition I find myself being equally both, not being able to live with out the other. My heart longs to be still, to find more quiet moment’s, to focus on becoming more intentional about my words and actions, but that is nearly impossible in the world that we live in.

My brain is telling me, how does one make huge impact’s if they are not actively doing something about it? How does one not make a difference if they are not working themselves into the ground for it? But my heart is telling me something different.

These thing’s are important – yes. Although, not as important as intentionally taking time to invest in the quiet moment’s, to refuel your heart’s passion’s with reminder’s of your end goal.

Life is going to be what you make it. Choosing to live a rushed life, and choosing to fill your plate with all too many things can get the job done, yes, but in what manner? Slowing down just for a moment, finding a quiet place to sit and think about your intentions, and accepting a slower life is not a bad thing. It isn’t settling, it is a season. We have rushed season’s and we have slower one’s. Accepting with grace where you are and not judging your season is imperative to growth and a healthy mind and body.


 

T.

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4 thoughts on “Torn

  1. ” There is a part of me that wants to live a passionate fiery life changing the world around me and make a difference, to not just be another warm body. There is also a part of me that want’s simple, that wants quaint, that want’s quiet. “….UUummmm Ditto! Ditto! Ditto!… Wait, did I say Ditto?!?!? Great Piece! Thanks for sharing… Keep us posted on how you navigate this season of stillness!

    Liked by 1 person

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